We begin this tale in late seventh grade, approximately a day or so before my best friend Emily’s birthday. I remember going to her sleepover party and coming home to write this entry. My nine-year-old cousin Jenny bought me this diary, which if I remember correctly, was of the Lisa Frank vocation. It likely had some douchey magenta dolphins swimming in a pastel blue and purple sea. Shortly after writing this entry, I ripped off the cover and stuck the bound pages underneath my mattress. The diary lived there until its ultimate retirement to a box in my closet during the Great Room Clean-Out of 10th grade. (Which is, unfortunately, the year I decided to give away all my Sweet Valley High and Babysitter’s Club books. I thought I was too mature for that shit. I’d kill for those now, but more on my childhood book collection quest later.)

Lisa Frank was THE stationery to have for preteen girls in the 90s. By the time I hit 13, I was so over it.

This entry is pretty lame, but I promised to include everything, so here we go. All spelling and grammar will be left as is, so if incorrect punctuation and odd sentence structure seriously bother you, you may want to look elsewhere for your daily dose of awkward.

I’m not really sure why I’m writing in this. Jenny got it for me, so I guess it’s more like an obligation to write.

My name is Diane. I’m 13 years old. I have medium-length light brown hair (which I hate, I wish it was longer and darker)

I have gray-blue-green eyes. I have a pet guinea pig. My favorite movie is Gone With the Wind, and my favorite book is the same.

My absolute favorite T.V. show is Gundam Wing (and I am a little obsessed)!

I used to like this guy but I don’t really like him anymore. bye.

This entry begins with some basic facts. Two of which are still true: (1) I still like Gone With the Wind and (2) I used to like this guy but I don’t really like him anymore.

To really compare then and now, I think we’re in need of some visuals. I solemnly swear to post more pictures, but the majority of these beauties are at my parents’ house in Michigan. For now, you’ll have to be content with this:

Here I am on my 13th birthday. This was my favorite sweatshirt. Ignore the grim background, my mom swore those hideous curtains kept the February drafts out.

And here’s what I look like now — nine years later!

I try to channel Christina Hendricks from "Mad Men" whenever possible. Bitch is fierce!

So, just to recap, let’s compare some more stats from then and now:

Diane, circa 2000

• School: about to start eighth grade at large suburban middle school outside of Ann Arbor, MI
• Friends: Emily, a tall, gangly blonde who shared my love of stupid adventures, urban fantasy novels and anime. We became best friends in sixth grade, the day we got hopelessly lost from our tour group during a class trip to Toronto, Canada. And let’s not forget Stefanie, my favorite frenemy. (More on her later!)
• Lives With: Family of four. My dad was a circulation manager for a Detroit newspaper, my mom worked for a company that made pharmaceutical parts. I fought constantly with my sister, Vivian, then age 11. She has a pretty hilarious childhood diary as well!
• Loves: Ryan. Oh, Ryan! You’ll get the full saga in excerpts from my sixth grade diary. He was the typical class clown/jackass with a bowl haircut and dimples. I loved him the day he started directing his sarcastic comments in my general direction.

Diane, circa 2009

• School: Journalism grad student at a university in Central Illinois
• Friends: Diedra, my college roommate of three years; Sara, my long-distance bff from the old hometown; Kevin, my former neighbor who serves as my own personal Barney Stinson; Noel, my former housemate who is currently teaching English in Turkey; Laura, my oldest friend who is interning at newspaper in New Jersey.
• Lives With: Michelle, another student in my grad program, originally from Indiana. We’ve bonded over our love for sandwiches, feminism and Jason Segel.
• Loves: Currently, none! I was dating someone before I came to Illinois, but now I spend my time crushing on unavailable guys in my program and the hot med student who parks his car across from mine.

Now that we’ve gotten the introductions out of the way, the fun can begin! Just wait until we get to charts I made chronicling how often I saw my crush and how much we talked. IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC.