February 26, 2001: Dial-Up

I guess either David B. found out about my secret love for him, or I was too ashamed to talk to him after realizing so many people knew about it. Either way, it was time for the Awkwardness Avoidance Dance.

While this was not my first experience (remember Ryan and the Groundhog Day Dance?) with the Awkwardness Avoidance Dance, it was certainly not my last. I may be an adult (in theory anyway, I’m turning 23 in two weeks – wtf is that about?) but I still do the AAD on a fairly regular basis.

Currently, I’ve managed to do it for almost six months without an awkward run-in. It helps that I’ve moved seven hours away, but Facebook chat is no one’s ally.  I spent a lot of time this year staring at the chat screen, wondering if someone would message me. I dreaded it, but then I wanted it to happen. Either way, I certainly wasn’t going to make the first move. It’s some early-2000s AIM shit all over again. The only thing I’m missing is the purple-and-blue sTiCkY cApS proto-emo quotes about love and loss. (But now we have statuses for that.)

Sigh. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

(THIS SONG NEVER STOPS BEING HILARIOUS. NEVER. Especially with the dial-up AOL sound in the background.)

Anyway, today’s entry discusses the Awkwardness Avoidance Dance at its best (and most dramatic).


Dear Diary,

David and I are avoiding each other. He didn’t say one word to me, and I didn’t talk to him.

It was the loneliest that I have ever felt.

I talked to Kit last Sunday. She said some-thing really funny: “you and David have to get married! You’d have the most messed-up kids.”

I was laughing *so* hard!

So ridiculous! Um, David B., wherever you are now, I hope the girl you wife is less crazy than I was. Good lord.

Speaking of AOL, Bunny sent me some e-mail gems from high school! Now these are a little bit older, obviously, but I think since we’re on the subject of awkward internet things, we should take a look at this survey, circa 2003.

Click here for the lengthy and melodramatic pdf.

Do you like our screennames? Aren’t we ~original?

Good lord, I was snarky. I particularly enjoy the part about how I’d kill some girl named Jennifer because she “vandalized” (toilet-papered) my house. What a *bitch.* Oh Jennifer, I no longer resent you. Haters gonna hate.

This eagle is STRUTTIN! I have him taped to the wall at my office.

Another great moment here:

17. Do you have any psychiatric problems? list them
haha. I have lots of irrational fears: underwear shopping, calling boys, the world ending randomly, elevators, etc. ooh and wanna hear about my neuroticism to? i don’t care, you’re gonna! I have to have the “L” of my middle initial in everything I write and if the food touches, I just can’t eat it, and I don’t eat anything that’s been pickeled in a jar or has the ketchup right on it. *smiles* i’m not nuts, really!

No, mini Diane, you are nuts. I promise.

Btw, none of those things are true now. Too many years of awesome diner food has changed my eating habits, and I don’t ever use the “L” in my name unless I’m practicing my autograph during a particularly boring lecture. Also, way to use the wrong “to.” You suck, 15-year-old me.

It’s strange to think that after 10 years of technological advances, sometimes we’re no different than we were at 13. We’re still waiting all night for someone to get online. We’re still quoting passive-aggressive and cryptic song lyrics in hopes our crush will understand the secret message. We’re still updating profiles and sending inside jokes to our friends in hopes other realize how truly awesome we are.

I remember a time when I couldn’t even picture adults using AIM. Now my dad’s on Facebook, and has more Twitter followers than I do. (Hi, Dad!)

I don’t think that’s bad or good, I just think it’s part of internet culture.

I like that we’re always evolving.

But sometimes, especially last semester — when I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting up late at night reading Tumblr, crying at the emo quotes, and hoping my ex would Facebook chat me — I still think my heart’s on dial-up.

About Diane

Hey, I'm Diane! I'm a writer and storyteller, currently living in Washington, D.C. From a self-composed how-to guide on being an adventure heroine, to an obsessive college crush on the vaguely-Harrison-Ford-resembling editor of the college newspaper, to sundry forays into erotic, historical fanfiction, my material comes from the tragic yet hilarious place where fangirl obsession meets modern reality. I like thrifting, watching NBC comedies, and getting emotional about fiction.

Posted on February 7, 2010, in The Diary Project and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Yesssssss ‘Haters Gonna Hate’ eagle

  2. What’s sad is I still use that email for all my junk stuff lol.
    And i LOVE the eagle. I feel this belongs in my she-monsters nursery (PS.. it has no penis. Hopefully that means it’s a girl. More on this a month from now.)
    I also remember saying that. And while I no longer support the notion that you guys should get married, I stand by my previous assessment- those would be some JACKED UP kids.

  3. Polly Burnette-Egan

    I can relate to having some truly epic aim chats, and waiting up late to see if a boy I liked would come one. Lucky for me that’s over now, However I still stay up to late wasting time on the Internet. Still loving the blog!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: